For the past month I have been sitting on the sofa while my foot recovers from surgery. I am not able to bear weight on it in the slightest. Crutches are required for every step. Making peace with this has been difficult to say the least.
Don't get me wrong. I have opportunized this time to work on taxes, writing, and email catch-up. Phone calls that needed to be made have been checked off, and I've caught up with some shopping via internet ordering. Several friends have jokingly voiced a jealousy of my time on the couch, wishing they could be waited upon hand and mostly foot. But I hate it.
Why? I'm not sure except that I like to be out and about in the daily process of "doing." Lots and lots of "doing." Doing might include meeting with friends or working on my computer at a cafe. It might consist of buying groceries or mailing packages. Doing looks like haircuts and drycleaning and shopping for birthday gifts. Going to the dog groomer or dropping off a school lunch feels like doing, and doing feels good to me. Sitting does not. It makes me feel worthless.
When I think of the word invalid in my head I pronounce it IN-valid. Not valid. That's how I feel when I cannot "do."
Outwardly I proclaim belief that we all have intrinsic value in God, and that validity is not in what we do but in the mere fact that we exist. This alone makes us valuable to our Creator and to others. Further examination of my heart however reveals personal application of that belief more to others than to myself. Validity, in my mind, comes from productivity, not from the mere product of my existence.
In two or three weeks I will be mobile again. Hopefully I won't forget the lessons pondered here on the sofa. Lessons about worth, and the hope and value which comes from being made by a divine Creator, not from checking off a to-do list. Some may argue that the hope of intrinsic value is just a crutch. I diagree. When you are in my position, it is the only leg worth standing on.
